Do you tend to be hard on yourself? Do you compare yourself to others? Is the word “should” common in your vocabulary? Do you say things like, “I should be different,” “I should be further along,” or “I should have done things differently?” You are not alone. “Shoulds” shape your self-view, future perspectives, and reflections on the past. Let’s look at HOW you can break free from the “should on yourself” trap.
Shaping How You View Yourself
“I should be different than I am.” This usually comes from comparing ourselves to others. A tool that is extremely helpful in this area is, instead of comparing yourself to another person, compare who you are right now with who you used to be six months, a year or more ago. Look at your growth, changes you have made and how far you have come. What you focus on matters, and this change of focus can have a significant impact on how you feel about yourself.
Shaping How You View the Future
“I should be further along than I am.” This common thought produces low self-esteem, depression and shame. We often underestimate our own progress! It’s easy to look at others’ accomplishments and wonder why we haven’t achieved the same level of success. A tool that is extremely helpful in this area is, instead of comparing yourself to another person, compare where you are right now with where you used to be six months, a year or more ago. Look at your growth, changes you have made and how far you have come. This change of focus can have a significant impact on how you feel about yourself.
Shaping How You View the Past
“I should have done ___ instead.” Regret is like carrying around a heavy backpack. You cannot change the past, no matter how hard you “should” on yourself. The tool that helps me to not “should” on myself for my past is shifting my perspective to “If it were supposed to be different, it simply would be.” This mindset shift helps me allow myself to make mistakes and be human. The truth is, the hard lessons are the ones we learn the most from. What developed in you as a result of that choice or mistake you regret? What positive thing came out of that situation? View your past choices and experiences as valuable lessons that have helped shape the incredible person you are today. Embrace the wisdom gained from your experiences and allow yourself to grow and evolve. Forgive yourself for any perceived mistakes. Remember, it’s all part of your beautiful journey. “If it were supposed to be different, it simply would be.”
Moving Forward
My friend, it’s time to let go of the “shoulds” that weigh you down. Embrace the wonderful person you are at this very moment. Recognize that your unique path is filled with endless possibilities for growth and happiness. Stop comparing yourself to others and trust that you are exactly where you need to be. Embrace the present, set realistic goals for the future, and view your past as a series of valuable lessons. Let go of regrets and “shoulds,” and watch as your self-view transforms into one filled with self-love and acceptance.
So, take a deep breath, and release the pressure of “shoulds.” Embrace your beautiful, flawed, and perfectly imperfect self, making the most of every moment along your journey. Remember, you’re doing amazing, just as you are!